How I Found Body Positivity & Self-Confidence Again

For the past two-ish years, my body image has been the most turbulent it’s ever been in my life. Like a lot of young women entering college, my body changed and grew in ways I was not mentally or emotionally prepared for. I was no longer dancing 10-15 hours a week, I was learning how to cook for myself, I was on new prescriptions, and my body was just entering a new phase in life. (As a side note – I don’t think it’s taught to us that our bodies just naturally go through phases/ changes beyond puberty. Like, a lot of people’s bodies go through changes in college. That is normal and more than okay!)

I can now say that I am the healthiest place I’ve ever been in when it comes to my body image. I’ve learned to love and embrace my body for what it’s at, not what I think it “should be.” Prior to college I wouldn’t say I was in a negative place with my body image, but I wasn’t in a positive space either. I just didn’t even think much about my body, probably because I was standardly skinny and society had taught me that my body looked how it was supposed to. Now, fresh out of college, I’ve done a lot of work to truly learn to love my body. I largely attribute my body positivity and self-love to the following things.

Therapy

I started attending therapy at the end of February and I am unashamed to admit that! I had been wanting to start therapy for most of senior year (just because I truly think everyone can benefit from therapy) but one night at the studio I finally hit my breaking point. While sitting in on a dance class, I found myself comparing my body to some of my dance students! I know… that’s how crazy and toxic my mindset was. I was literally comparing my 21-year-old body to pre-teens and teenagers who dance for hours every day… When I caught myself thinking that, I knew it was time to get help.

I started seeing a therapist about every other week, and on week 1 she told me had body dysmorphia. Hearing those words, while not surprising, was really a shock to my system. I knew I had work to do. Even after my first appointment I found myself more conscious of my negative body thoughts. My therapist had me record any time I thought or said something negative about my body. At first it was really shocking and upsetting, but it became really helpful for me to catch myself. I don’t remember the technical phrase for what we did, but we focused on me identifying my thoughts, and then separating that thought from the actual truth/ reality. My therapist helped me with a lot beyond my body image issues, but through therapy, I have been able to get a reign on my negative thoughts and learn to speak truth to myself.

Forgetting the Word Skinny

I really did not have body image issues in high school, and I really think it was because I had the body type that was considered ideal by society. I was skinny, and 16-year-old Hailey thought skinny was good, so I don’t think I ever thought twice about my body. In college, it subconsciously became my obsession to ‘stay skinny.’ Around last summer, something in my mind switched to no longer aim to be skinny. Looking at body, I don’t think skinny was really achievable for me—because some people’s bodies are not meant to be stick thin. Society has taught us that you can be super skinny if you work hard enough, but everyone has unique genetic make up, and not everyone is made to be skinny. My natural build is not stick thin—and that’s okay! I have boobs and a butt, so naturally I am going to be on curvier side. Starting to think about my body as words other than ‘skinny’ really shifted how I thought of myself.

Working Out

My relationship with working out has been very complicated since graduating high school. I just never had to think about working out in high school because I danced every day. I’m still very much learning what kind of working out I like and giving myself a lot of variety. But, I really have begun to prioritize working out and making sure I work out every week. I’ve also had to make a very conscious shift in my mind from working out to lose weight to working out just to treat my body well and be healthy. Also, full transparency, I am not one of those people who ‘love’ to workout—I would much rather stay in bed and watch TV. But, what motivates me to workout is knowing that I will feel so good after I do, and knowing how good it is for my health. On the reverse side, I am still learning to give myself grace when I don’t want to work out, and reminding myself that a few skipped workouts is far from the end of the world.

Social Media

In my journey towards body positivity, I learned that social media can hurt… or help! During quarantine I found a lot of Tik Tok and YouTube accounts that have made me feel seen, represented, beautiful, and more confident in my body. I’ve become absolutely obsessed with YouTubers Remi Ashten and AlishaMarie, both of whom have been very vocal about their health journeys. What I love about them is that they live very healthy lifestyles, but their bodies look like mine. I’ve also been really into the nutritionist Abbey Sharp who reviews YouTuber’s “What I Eat in Day” videos. Watching her has actually made me feel much better because she talks candidly about toxic food culture, and she never talks about “bad” foods or discourages people from treating themselves. I also have found a lot of TikTok accounts of women who have recovered from body dysmorphia and disordered eating. Following these accounts and seeing healthy women with different bodies has made me feel so seen.

Whole30

Back in September I did Whole30 and it really shifted my relationship with food. Learning how to shop for healthy, whole foods and cooking my own delicious meals really empowered me to take more ownership of what I was cooking. I love to pick up food on the way home as much as the next girl, and I still do from time to time, but challenging myself with Whole30 really helped learn how to make my own healthy meals.

Intuitive Eating

One thing I’ve really learned from Tik Tok is the concept of “Intuitive Eating”. There are tons of resources and information out there about intuitive eating but the basic idea is listening to your body and eating what you want to eat when you want to eat it. Now, a lot of people here that and immediately say “If I listened to my body, I would just eat ice cream and pizza all day!” But, the idea is that you listen to what your body craves, but also what makes your body feel good. So, over time, you learn to eat foods that make you feel good. IIf I want to have Cane’s, I can have Cane’s! Intuitive eating has helped me no longer label foods as bad or forbidden. Intuitive eating has also helped me focus on the 80/20 mindset—eating healthy 80% of the time and treating myself 20%. Now, when I have dessert or fast food, I don’t feel the guilt that I used to feel anytime I treated myself. (Also: While intuitive has been helpful or me, I understand how intuitive eating doesn’t come naturally to those with severely disordered eating)

Since consistently working out and eating healthy, I really feel like I’ve come to find my body’s natural weight. I know if I am working out and eating well, then I’m being the healthiest I can be – even if my body is not what I use to consider ideal. I also want to let the record show that while I am in a good place with my body, I still have days where I wake up and wish I looked different or that this one part of my body was a little smaller. But, I am able to identify those thoughts and separate them from the truth. For so long, my thoughts were that I would be attractive once I lost 15 more pounds or that I would be happy once I fit into size 4 jeans like I did in high school. While these thoughts still creep into my mind, I now know that my life won’t be better or that I would be more attractive/ likable if I looked different. I know I will be on this body-positive journey for the rest of my life, but after being in such a low place for so long, I am excited to really love myself again.