Here's to 2020

In 2019...

I created. This was the year I found my calling. In May, I got into the graphic design program at TCU. Obtaining something I had worked more than a year and a half for was on the most rewarding (and relieving!) moments of this year, and my life thus far. TCU’s Graphic Design department is an incredible program filled with some of the most talented, creative, brilliant students and professionals I’ve ever met. Honestly, a part of me is sad I didn’t get into the program earlier so that I could obtain more than a minor in Design, but I’m so thankful for any time in the program. I have been pushed to think differently and create unique, interesting work. I feel so lucky to be in a creative program, with a small group of other students that have turned from my classmates into my friends. Not everyone is in a program that allows them to create work they’re proud of every day. It’s something I’m so thankful for.

Throughout my months at the studio this year, I’ve grown in my confidence to choreograph and I’ve felt empowered by my boss and coworkers as I create dances. To be honest, being surrounded by so many talented, beautiful dance professionals who have formal college educations in dance, is really intimidating. I’ve struggled the last few years with feeling like a good enough dance teacher. I didn’t know how I could measure up with my wonderful, talented peers. While I still have a long way to go, I’ve learned to let my insecurities go. I don’t have to be afraid to try choreographing—I can just create.

In November, I was privileged enough to attend Adobe MAX with the Strategic Communication department. I left that workshop certain that I was on the right career path. It was so inspiring and empowering to be surrounded by incredible creative professionals. I got to see and hear from people who have made creativity their career. At MAX, I realized that there was still a huge part of me that believed that there was no way I could make a living as a creative--I thought it was only possible for the Paula Schers and Lauren Homs of the world. After MAX, I was filled with creative inspiration and absolute certainty that I was supposed to spend my life creating.

I traveled. This was the year of exploring the world. I am so thankful to have the job I do and be in the financial situation I am that I could afford the trips I did this semester. At the beginning of the year, I enjoyed a cruise with my family. Then in March, I went on the trip of my dreams to visit my friends abroad. Before 2019, I’d never seen Europe. We traveled through Madrid, Malaga, and Lisbon. It was a dream. To experience so much new food, sights, and culture, all with my best friends was an experience I know I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. In October, I traveled with the same girls to Seattle for fall break. I fell in love with Seattle and made so many incredible memories with my friends during our final fall break.

I mourned. This year I experienced two instances of the most profound loss I’ve ever known. Before this year, I had not experienced that much death. This year I lost my uncle and a dance student, both unexpectedly and tragically in the last few months. You cannot measure loss, but there is a different way that death hits you when it’s out of nowhere. It’s like you have to experience all your grief at once instead of over time – it may be the same amount of pain, but it feels overwhelming all at once. 

The deaths were and still are unexplainable. It’s difficult to find the reason or explain why this happened. Through these deaths I’ve thought about what I believe. And while I don’t have all the answers, I’ve become more comfortable accepting that I don’t have those answers and I don’t have to. I hope that from these losses, I can become a better, more loving person, to carry on each of their legacies.

I accomplished. I’m so proud of everything I accomplished this year. I got into the TCU Graphic Design program. I helped organize and execute Studio of MoveMINT’s second recital, which more than doubled in size since 2018 (and started with an hour power outage). I served my first year as Launch’s Summer Workshop Programming Chair, where I helped plan a week of events for hundreds of middle and high schoolers. I accomplished so much this year, and while my titles imply that I did this all myself, but I know my accomplishments are rooted in the support and empowerment of others. Because I had people cheering for me and helping me out so damn much, I was able to accomplish what I did. Because of the people in my life, I am proud of what I accomplished.

In 2020...

I will be brave. I’m going into the most uncertain year of my life thus far. In May I will graduate college and begin a new chapter in my life. All of my talented, intelligent friends are forging their own paths, and we will probably not be in the same city again for a while. Maybe ever again. I know I’ve found my forever friends, and our friendships won’t fade over distance, but I’ll be honest, I am terrified. There's a strong chance that in May, I will be in Fort Worth, and all my friends will be across the country. Having to make new friends and face this new chapter without sharing a home with my best friends is so scary. It's so easy to feel like I’m going to be navigating through life all alone. I’m so excited for my friends and the amazing things they’re accomplishing, but the selfish part of me is going to miss the fact that I live in the same city (and house) as (almost) all of my besties. This year, I’m going to have be braver than I ever have before, just like I was four years ago when I moved to Fort Worth. I have to keep trekking, being brave in the face of the unknown.

I will change. I know that graduating and beginning my job as a #workinggal will change me. I think back to just four short years ago when I was so scared of change. Blame it on my Enneagram, blame it on my astrological sign, blame it on whatever you want, but I used to hate change. A huge part of me still does. But I think about how much has changed in the four years, and I would never want to go back. I’m learning to accept and be excited about the change, even in the face of the unknown. Here's to accepting change in 2020, even when it’s hard. Here's to maintaining hope in the face of unknown, unprecedented change.

I will create. In 2019, I found clarity and certainty on my life path. 2020 is the year that I will use that momentum. I want to spend this year creating, both for my professional career, but also for myself. One of my resolutions for this year is to create every single day, whether it’s designing, writing, dancing, calligraphy, or another new passion I find this year. I hope that this year, Hailey Bunde Creative can take off and that I can continue to stay inspired and motivated to create. I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing.

2019 was hard, but it was so, so good. Here’s to 2020 – the possibilities are endless.