“Hailey, shut up for two seconds, please!” -God, probably

College is scary–try to visit really pretty campuses, it makes it easier. (Top to Bottom: Texas Christian University, Elon University, High Point University)

Over fall break, I went down to North Carolina for college visits. They left me excited, but also equal parts anxious and stressed. I had no idea where the heck I wanted to, and that’s hard, especially for a control freak for me.

On the flight home, still very worried, I sat next to a very sweet lady who told me all about her success as a professor at the prestigious University of Chicago. She also told me about her children’s equally successful lives (her daughter had gotten a 36 on the ACT as a freshman).

While I enjoyed hearing about this woman’s family, it left me freaked out. I couldn’t help but think, Well, if I’m not going to be that smart and successful then what’s the point? Her stories just increased my fear that I was not going to be going to the right school. Throughout the whole college searching experience, I was constantly worried that I was going to go to a college I loved, but then I would go out into the real world, and employers would take one look at my resume and throw it out. I know that sounds extreme and ridiculous but a) I am extreme and ridiculous and b) I was freaking out!!!! Of course my imagination was going to go towards the extreme and irrational. I felt like I would be competing with the airplane-lady-daughters of the world, and I just wouldn’t measure up.

So I did what I do whenever I’m freaking out: I texted my best friend, Anna. I know I should have prayed. I know. And I actually have prayed a lot during this whole college process. A lot. But after that airplane ride I had to text Anna because I knew she’d be the rational to my irrational (we often find ourselves being the non-crazy to the other’s crazy). Plus, I hadn’t talked to her in the two hours that I was on the plane, and that’s a very long time for us to go without talking to each other.

So I texted her about how I felt like I was going to go to college and never be successful and I was never going to reach the happiness I wanted for myself. I don’t remember the texts exactly but I think it was something along the lines that I was probably going to have to live in her basement because I would never find success.

Anna quickly let me know that I was being ridiculous.

As I sat down for the second flight, I had some time to think to myself, and to talk to God. And I heard him saying a lot. First off all, he was telling me to calm down. He tells me that a lot. Also I realized that it was all going to be okay. When I don’t see an immediate answer, it’s hard for me to trust in the process, but it’s often in that confusion and lack of control on my end, where God takes control and makes the most of our situations. Lastly, I realized that I should not be worried about my worldly definition of success, but rather I should be focused on where God would send me to do His work.

Because we are humans and because we are surrounded by worldly distractions, it is easy to get caught up in our temporal struggles and lose sight of our eternal cause. In this time where all I am asked about is my college plans, I tend to think about my future in worldly terms—will I be successful by getting a job that gives me pride and makes me well known, will I making a good living for myself? But instead, I should turn my attention to success by God’s terms, which is quit simple: loving others and showing His love. When I go up to meet the Big Man, He’s not going to say, “Nice job becoming editor-in-chief of ESPN magazine!!!” He’s going to say, “What did you do to honor me?” (I mean He might congratulate me on that… It’s pretty sick and it definitely could honor Him… but you get the point.)

For many of us, the college search process is not over. It’s exciting and terrifying and overwhelming and so many other things that can cause our eyes to drift from God. But between the college visits and pros and cons lists, take a second to step back and listen to God. He probably has something to say—He did for me.

‘Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ // Jeremiah 33:3

#college #February2015 #TCU #worry