Yeah I Still Don’t Know Anything About Relationships but, Dang, They Rock!!

I know what you’re thinking: Oh, boohoo, poor Hailey, saying it’s hard to have a boyfriend. But I promise this post is legit.

Y’all, let me tell you something—relationships are hard work. They’re also fun, and so worth it.

I love Max and being with him, but it hasn’t been absolutely perfect every moment. This was hard for me to understand at first. I thought that love was supposed to be flawless, and freaked out at the first sign that Max and I’s relationship wasn’t perfect. But Max and I are humans and we’re young and trying long distance, so of course it’s not perfect. We’re happy and our relationship has grown so much in these last ten months, so I think it’s important for me to take a step back and think about all of the beautiful lessons I’ve learned while dating the most wonderful boy.

First off, I have learned that it is very easy to let your boyfriend become your happiness and the center of your world. It is very easy to let your boyfriend become your Jesus. You cannot do this because, to put it bluntly, people are temporary and people let you down. It is dangerous to put all your happiness in someone who can leave.

You also cannot rely on your boyfriend for your worth. They can, and should, remind you of your beauty and your worth. But they do not define you, and neither does their ability to see (or unfortunately, sometimes, not see) your worth.

Next, dating Max has taught me that no one is perfect. When you like/love someone, it is easy to think that they are perfect. But your boyfriend, no matter how long your ‘honeymoon phase’ lasts, is not perfect. He’s human. He’s flawed. Understand that you boyfriend will never be perfect, and will screw up every once in a while, but that does not mean he’s not the boy you fell for.

Before dating Max, I did not realize that I had trust issues. There are days when I really struggle to believe him when he says that he loves me or cares about me. Though he shows that he does and his commitment to long distance shows his commitment to me, I struggle somedays to feel like this is all real. One night this fall, I broke down to two of my best friends because I realized that I had let a boy in my past convince me that I wasn’t worthy of being loved. I tried to be everything for him, and it wasn’t enough. And that, understandably, took a big toll on me. I still have a really hard time believing that Max sees me worthy of pursuing. Max sends me songs he knows I’ll like and he buys me coffee and he always sends me good night texts and he loves me 600 miles away and he’s just so good to me. That’s hard for me to grasp. No, it’s not the worst problem, but it is difficult.

Another obstacle I have encountered while dating Max is that I have found that I am guilty of expecting Max to read my mind, and then getting mad when he doesn’t. I’m pathetically passive, and when things are on my mind, I beat around the bush and avoid voicing how I actually feel. This is very dangerous, because I’m hurt when Max doesn’t act upon information he doesn’t know. Thankfully, Max knows me all too well and is able to know when I’m being passive, and normally just calls me out because he won’t put up with it.

On the opposite end, there was a time in our relationship when I was dealing a lot with my anxiety where I would voice every possible thing that I felt was wrong or could potentially wrong. This was also super dangerous, because it made Max feel like I was constantly just worried about our relationship and doubting him. But, through our relationship, I have learned when and how to talk to Max about what’s on my mind.

In long distance, communication is so important, but so difficult to learn. No one tells you how to make it work. Max and I tried texting every moment of every day, and that may have been what we needed at the beginning of the school year, but it very quickly stopped working for our relationship. It was like we were talking just because we were obligated to, and our conversations were bland and redundant and boring as hell. When Max finally voiced his concern about this, it hurt at first because I was worried he just didn’t want to talk to me. It was hard to stop texting him from morning to night because I had gotten so used to it. But now, I am so glad we aren’t in constant communication. It feels so much healthier. The conversations we do have are so much more meaningful. I get to talk to him at the end of every day about how his day had been.

FaceTime has been our saving grace. Max is the first to admit that he’s not a huge fan of texting, and that he’s not that good at it. I love Facetiming because that’s when Max’s personality comes out the most. He is able to make his smart ass comments back to me and I can spend hours just laughing with him. I can’t get his dimples over text the way I can get them on FaceTime. FaceTime does suck just because it makes me miss him more. But every time I start to feel myself worrying about us, FaceTime reminds me again how lucky I am to be with him.

Before I was in a relationship with Max, so before I had ever really been in a serious relationship, I remember how much I used to observe and judge other relationships. I’d pass judgement on choices that: a) have absolutely ZERO impact on me in anyway and b) are personal and specific to that couple. It is so easy to see another relationship and think, “Oh they’re doing it so wrong.” I judge them for spending time together or moving too fast or just about doing anything that doesn’t align with how I would do it.

However, dating Max, and going through the thick and thin of a serious relationship at such a transformative time has really opened my eyes to intricacies unique to every relationship. Every couple is made up of two unique people who each have different needs in a relationship. It’s silly to think that there are certain rules that apply to each and every couple. As long as both individuals are happy, healthy, and safe, there is not a set amount of time and communication that all couples must meet and not exceed.

Overall, dating Max has taught me so much about what a healthy and loving relationship looks like. Long distance has been way harder than Max and I could have ever anticipated. I always thought people who pursued long distance relationships were out of their minds, and, honestly, I still think that—I’m just the one out of my mind now. College is about changing and growing and learning, and so is long distance. I wouldn’t change this process for anything, because it really has made me appreciate Max and our time together even more. He is such a blessing to me. Our relationship has taught me about grace, love, and making every moment count. It is very hard, but we both think it is very worth it.

And a special note to Max: Even with all the ups and downs, and the lessons that were hard to learn, you’ve taught me infinitely more happy lessons. Through you, I have learned how to go through life one day at a time, with a sense of humor and a smile on my face. You’ve taught me what it means to love people through actions and not just words. You’ve helped me grow to appreciate McDonald’s and Parks and Rec and Nebraska and Hozier. You make me laugh harder and more than I thought possible. You have been the most patient, graceful, hilarious, and loving friend I could have. My life is so much better with you in it.

my best friend and my best blessing!!

#worry #longdistance #relationships #excitement #anxiety #March2017 #life #college #lessonslearned