Two Homes

I was born and raised in Lincoln, Nebraska and I love my hometown, as I’ve mentioned about a thousand times before. But I am also lucky enough to now have two homes. My freshman year at TCU just confirmed that Fort Worth is another place to call home. Both places offer me memories and people I love. When I’m in one place, I miss the other.

It’s a weird feeling to have these two homes. I am constantly pulled in two directions. Sometimes at school, all I want is to be home with my family. This summer while I’ve been home, I have wanted nothing more than to be back at TCU. I have friends in both places, but I am not always sure where I belong. This summer has been weird because so many of my friends went to UNL and grew closer, while I grew further from them. A lot of nights this summer have been spent feeling weird and kind of bummed, knowing that many people I knew were hanging out together. It wasn’t that I was being excluded, but I also wasn’t being included. Times have just changed since last summer.

To be honest, TCU has become more of my home lately. Lincoln is and always will be special, so many reasons. But I have grown and changed so much in Fort Worth and sometimes it feels like I can’t continue to grow that way in Lincoln.

This summer has been exceptionally hard, after leaving my best friends and coming back to a city where all of my old friends and I are kind of the same, but also so different. Getting out of my first serious relationship, with my first love, someone who became so much of my life, especially in Lincoln, has left me feeling confused, sad, and lonely.

Again, I want to reiterate how dang much I love Lincoln. I think everyone knows it. Lincoln holds so many special places for me, and more importantly, it holds so many important people. My family and some of my best friends are here in Lincoln.

I’ve always said that I would love to return to Lincoln one day, and I still mean that, but I think right now, I need to be in Fort Worth. To pick up the pieces of this summer and move forward to the person I want to become, I need to be in Fort Worth surrounded by the people who have become such a huge part of my growth.

Of course, I will constantly miss Lincoln when I’m in Fort Worth. I miss my family and my mean cat the most. I will miss driving around Lincoln with the windows down. I miss Scooters, Taco Inn, Goldenrod, The Mill, The Oven, and Honest Abe’s. I miss Hart and my best friends. I miss Husker game day and downtown and the Haymarket. I miss snow around Christmas time.

This summer, I’ve missed so much about Fort Worth while I’m in Lincoln. I miss TCU’s campus and every single part of it: Frog Fountain, hammocking in the commons, the tan brick, the beautiful flowers, and game days. I miss all of my friends—constantly. Who knew three months without the people you were with for nine months would feel so long? I miss Steel City, Salsa, Sweet Sammies, BLUU brunches, Einstein’s, and Sundance square. I miss good queso. I miss the warm weather. I miss no one questioning if I was wearing shorts or not, and I could just wear my XL t-shirts in peace.

For now, I am ready to be back in Fort Worth. I think I need to be there to move forward from this summer. I need a routine and I need my roommates. I love Lincoln, and I can’t wait to (hopefully) make it back for a Husker game. But for now, I am ready to tackle my sophomore year at TCU, and to be fully reunited with all of my best friends from across the state.

I am so lucky to have two places to call home. Even when I feel this sense of confusion, I know I am so lucky to have two towns that make me so happy. I think I will always miss the other place.

To the 402 and the 817, thanks for making me the person I am.

#LIncoln #August2017 #FortWorth #Texas #TCU #Nebraska #relationships #excitement #life #family #college #lessonslearned